I went into starting second year feeling pumped and positive. I was determined to do better in every way possible after the long break, especially with my mind-frame and believing in myself. I’m sad to say it didn’t last long 🙁
I swear the toughest thing for me in this course, even more tough than learning all of the theory and practical sides of this degree, is believing I can actually do it. It has always been the biggest handicap for me, and I truly feel frustrated that it’s continued on into this year as well.
It’s like as soon as anything negative happens that wasn’t in my perfect ‘plan’, I really struggle to stay focused and confident in my abilities, and it becomes a domino effect for the rest of the week (or longer if I’m not careful).

Life happens, things are unpredictable and we can’t control what happens even though we really want to. We can only control how we handle the situation.

I think that’s my biggest fear in starting to see paediatric patients as of tomorrow morning. Kids are soooo unpredictable and I can’t be SO SENSITIVE otherwise I will not be able to cope! Sometimes I just want to shake myself and go ‘stop being so ridiculous and pull yourself together!’

Most days I feel like I am doing the right thing being in this course, and I feel like I’ve found my niche in this big wide world with this career. But also too often I doubt myself, and the fact that I can actually do such a job with such high responsibility with someone’s health. Starting with paeds tomorrow, that’s someone’s little person in that chair that I am responsible for. Their health. Anything that is missed, anything that causes them pain or trauma in that chair will be on me. It’s full-on.

The last 2 weeks of intensive were challenging but I also think they were sooo beneficial to us getting prepared for clinic again.
LA went really well with my partner on Friday. It was so great having the opportunity to do it on each other before on a patient, and I felt proud of us taking that huge new step, especially with the IAN blocks (and no bells palsy caused thank god hahaha).

I am trying so hard this weekend to centre myself and prepare for first semester and seeing patients again. Let’s hope everything comes back again and I can prove to myself I can do this.